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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24330277">Hikaru No? (FTSNB IV)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DBSommer/pseuds/DBSommer'>DBSommer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hikaru no Go, Jungle wa Itsumo Hare Nochi Guu | Haré+Guu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Humor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:07:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,356</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24330277</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DBSommer/pseuds/DBSommer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Another Fusion That Should Never Be. This time we combined two series because their initials are the same.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hikaru No? (FTSNB IV)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fusions That Should Never Be IV</p><p>Yes, folks, it's that time again when we go on our annual jaunt of dealing with series that should never have anything to do with one another being jammed together in impossible ways under no greater premise than 'But I like both of them.' Now once more we highlight the futility of such actions by writing in futility. At least with more futility than usual.</p><p>A Hikaru No Go/? Fusion. If you're familiar with the material, you should be able to identify it anyway.</p><p>Revision date 2/22/04</p><p>Any and all C+C is appreciated. You can contact me at</p><p>sommer</p><p>All of my fics are stored at the following:</p><p>Larry F's new address at:</p><p>florestica/d_b_</p><p>And also Angcobra is now storing fics, at</p><p>~</p><p>At :</p><p>Or R+C books at:</p><p>.org</p><p>And on to the fic. As with most bad fusions, we'll start at the beginning of Hikaru No Go just so we make sure we screw up everything nice and proper...</p><p>Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</p><p>"Hikaru, I don't think looting your grandfather's shed is such a good idea," Akari fretted as her best friend, toward whom she had been feeling more than normal friendly impulses of late, rummaged around through the shed.</p><p>Hikaru turned away from his searching. "I had bad grades and my parents cut my allowance. I have to get money somehow. It's not like Grandpa ever uses any of this stuff anyway. Grandma will probably use it as an excuse to clean out the shed." He continued searching, discarding a host of moth eaten clothing, chipped china, broken radios, and an assortment of worthless items that convinced him his grandparents had pack rat blood running through their veins.</p><p>Eventually he came upon a large Go board. Lacking any interior lighting, since he didn't want to tip his grandfather off to his presence in the shed, Hikaru moved it next to a window and allowed the moonlight to provide illumination.</p><p>"I don't think we should do this," Akari repeated as the feeling of foreboding grew.</p><p>"Leave if you're just going to complain," Hikaru said as he blew dust off the board's surface. "I might be able to get something for this."</p><p>"Let's just go," Akari said.</p><p>Hikaru examined it more closely. "Hmm. That's funny. What's this stain in the corner?"</p><p>Akari looked at the board. "What stain?"</p><p>"The one right there." Hikaru pointed to the corner where a faded red stain was clearly visible.</p><p>Akari peered closely at where Hikaru was pointing. "There's nothing there."</p><p>"Are you blind?" He used his sleeve to rub at the stain, but it refused to come clean.</p><p>A melodic voice suddenly filled the room. "You can see the stain?"</p><p>"Of course I can," Hikaru answered, wondering why Akari sounded so funny.</p><p>"Of course you can what?" Akari asked.</p><p>"See the stain," Hikaru replied.</p><p>"What stain?"</p><p>"The stain you just asked me about."</p><p>"I didn't ask you about a stain."</p><p>"Yes you did. You just asked me if I could see it!"</p><p>"Did not!" Akari insisted.</p><p>The voice, obviously disembodied now that Hikaru was looking right at Akari and her lips weren't moving, stated. "You are the only one that can hear or see me. Now embrace your destiny."</p><p>Hikaru looked in awe as a vortex of twinkling lights formed next to the Go board. After twirling about for a moment, it coalesced, taking on human form. The figure was dressed in a flowing white robe and wore a tall, conical hat whose style dated back to the Heian Era. Perched beneath the hat was a youthful, cherubic face, pale as a ghost, that radiated a kindness and gentleness that Hikaru hadn't felt since he was a baby held in his mother's arms. A tuft of white hair peeked out beneath the brim of the hat. Wide pink eyes blinked in innocent adoration upon Hikaru. He gulped as he found himself confronted by the painfully adorable girl who was even younger than he was. Sparkles seemed to dance in the air around her cute features, which affected even Hikaru.</p><p>"Who are you?" he asked in awe.</p><p>"It's me, Akari." Akari wondered what game Hikaru was playing now.</p><p>The ethereal girl pulled a fan out from the sleeves of her robe, then tapped her mouth with it, as though she was too modest to say. She smiled beatifically upon him and said in soft, dulcet tones, "I am the spirit of the greatest Go champion ever to play the game. I inhabit the board, and can only be seen by those who have the potential to be the finest of players. That you can see me means it is time to embrace your destiny by starting to walk the path of Go."</p><p>Hikaru blushed slightly, turning away. He couldn't bear to say the words in his heart directly to her face. "I'm sorry. I don't play Go and really don't have any interest in it." There, he had said it. He didn't want to disappoint the spirit girl, but he had a life that couldn't be wasted playing some silly game. She'd just have to attach herself to someone else and have them play Go. Maybe she could do it with Akari. She never had anything better to do.</p><p>Hikaru looked at the spirit again, bracing himself to see her sorrow-filled face. His eyes widened as the wonderfully cute and gentle girl had somehow been replaced by a creature with flat, emotionless features. Its eyes were not the bright, wide-eyed hopefully pink, but instead were two tiny obsidian lumps of endless night. All the warmth that had been previously generated from her was gone, and now only a shroud of darkness surrounded the girl.</p><p>"Hey! What happened to the cute girl that was here a second ago?!" Hikaru demanded.</p><p>The spirit opened her mouth.</p><p>Suddenly there was darkness as Hikaru heard a gulping sound. Then he lost awareness.</p><p>Xxxxxxxxxx</p><p>Hikaru opened his eyes. He was lying on his back, looking up at a bright sun. He sat up, wondering where he was.</p><p>He was in a land of gentle rolling hills that stretched into the distance as far as the eye could see. Flora and fauna that even his untrained eye could tell could not possibly exist together were side-by-side. Cats with long bodies and hundred of legs, similar in shape to centipedes, ran across the plains along with a host of other animals, some mundane, while others were unimaginable. The alien landscape served to unsettle him in a way that he had never experienced before.</p><p>Hikaru sat bolt upright and shouted "Where am I?!" at the top of his lungs.</p><p>A loud 'click' came from behind him.</p><p>Hikaru turned around and saw two men. One was Japanese, dressed in regalia from some past time period in Japan. The other was an American, dressed like some sort of cowboy right down to the Stetson on his head. Both were sitting at a go board. They were in the later stages of a game, paying no attention either to Hikaru or the bizarre panorama that surrounded them.</p><p>The Japanese man, playing white, set a stone on the board, producing another audible click identical to the one before. He then placed his arms within the billowing sleeves of his kimono. "So, she's found another one."</p><p>The American playing black placed a stone on the board. "It's been a while."</p><p>Hikaru stood up and rushed over to the men. "Where am I?"</p><p>The man playing white scratched his head. "How shall I put this delicately?"</p><p>"He's trapped inside the spirit and she won't let him go until he agrees to play for her," the other man supplied.</p><p>"That would do it," White said.</p><p>"That wasn't delicately!" Hikaru protested. "And who are you two anyway?"</p><p>White turned to Hikaru and said, "Shuusuku Honinbo. You can call me Shun-chan, if you'd like."</p><p>Hikaru scratched his head. "I've heard that name before."</p><p>"I'm widely regarded as the best Go player ever," he said without a hint of arrogance. It was simply a cold statement of fact.</p><p>The American said, "And I'm Chauncy, 'Tex' Ritter. I'd have been widely regarded as the best player ever, if I hadn't had a run in with them Yakuza thugs a couple of months into my initial tour of the gambling side of the Go circuit. How y'all doing?"</p><p>"I've been trapped in a weird world by an angry spirit! How do you think I feel?" Hikaru shouted.</p><p>Shuusuku placed another white stone on the board. "It is disconcerting, to be sure. At least at first. After a hundred years or so, you get used to it."</p><p>Tex placed a black stone on the board, then jumped up and shouted a triumphant, "Checkmate! Yeeehaww!" waving his hat in the air.</p><p>"This is not chess! There is no checkmate!" Shuusuku retorted angrily.</p><p>"Well, y'all lost. I had to say something. You Japs are too laid back. Y'all got to learn to get excited about winning," Tex complained as he sat back down, feeling deflated with his chastisement.</p><p>"Japanese are too dignified to do 'The Butt Dance' and chant 'loser,' to a beaten foe," Shuusaku said primly. He looked the board over. "However, you are correct. I cannot come back from the position you have put me in. I resign."</p><p>Tex smirked. "That ties the score at twenty five million seven hundred and ninety three thousand two hundred and seventy six to twenty five million seven hundred and ninety three thousand two hundred and seventy six. I win one more and I'll finally have a lead."</p><p>Shuusaku sniffed disdainfully. "I will defeat you again. And when I manage to win one more time after that, I will finally have a secure lead."</p><p>"I ain't never let you get two games ahead of me and I ain't about to start now."</p><p>Hikaru looked at them in disbelief. "Did you say you've played over twenty five million games?"</p><p>"Not much else to do here," Tex said as he cleared his pieces off the board.</p><p>"It is stimulating," Shuusaku agreed.</p><p>"How did you end up here?" Hikaru asked.</p><p>"The same way you did," Shuusaku said. "I stumbled upon the game board and was able to see the stain. The spirit approached me and asked me to play. I refused at first, so she devoured me. She released me when I agreed to help play games for her."</p><p>"Same story here, 'cept I was visiting Japan, rather than being from there," Tex added. "She'll cough you up if you agree to play for her."</p><p>"But why are you here now if you agreed to play for her?" Hikaru asked.</p><p>Shuusuku said, "I contracted a fatal case of cholera. I would have died, had she not sent me to this place. Here the disease cannot affect me, and I am free to continue playing to my heart's content."</p><p>Tex said, "I only played Go for money. I was making a right tidy sum of yen. Had five million or so, when some Yakuza thugs decided they didn't like losin' to some gay-jin, and stabbed me. I got swallowed 'fore I could bleed to death. Been playing Shunny ever since. And I'm about to take the lead."</p><p>"Never," Shuusaku swore.</p><p>"But I don't want to play Go!" Hikaru said.</p><p>Shuusaku gave him a level stare. "Which do you like less: being here, or playing Go?"</p><p>"Oh. It's one of those sorts of choices, is it?" Hikaru's parents gave him those sorts of ultimatums all the time. 'Would you like to eat your vegetables, or be grounded?' was a common one. Hikaru said, "Fine, I'll play a few games."</p><p>Everything went dark.</p><p>Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</p><p>Hikaru opened his eyes. They locked onto the first thing they saw: the flat stare of the spirit.</p><p>She patted him on the shoulder and said in a monotone voice, "Thanks. It's really nice of you to go out of your way and help me like this."</p><p>"I only agreed because you were going to leave me in some bizarre world forever if I didn't!" Hikaru shouted.</p><p>The spirit shrugged. "Duress is a useful way to get promises. I use it all the time and it never fails me."</p><p>"I only agreed to play a few games, then you have to let me go," Hikaru grumbled.</p><p>"Sure, only a few games." The spirit smiled.</p><p>Hikaru wasn't sure, but he could have sworn the smile told him, "'Yeah, right, sucker.' Worse, he had a feeling he'd be seeing it a lot more times than he'd like. "What's your name anyway?"</p><p>The spirit gave its sardonic little smile, one that seemed to indicate it was amused by something, rather than anyone being amused by it. The smile also said it didn't care if others weren't amused. "My name is Guu."</p><p>xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</p><p>Yep, that's right. It's...</p><p>Hikaru No Guu</p><p>A Hikaru no Go/Hale Nochi Guu fusion (Get it? The letters are exactly the same. It's only natural they be fused). It's a surreal trip into the world of Go that does not now nor ever existed, thankfully. Let's pick up where we left off with.</p><p>The First Match</p><p>xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</p><p>Hikaru turned to the sound of running feet approaching from downstairs. Within seconds Akari appeared, Hikaru's grandfather in tow.</p><p>A frantic Akari said, "He disappeared right-" she stopped as she saw Hikaru standing there, plain as day.</p><p>"He looks okay to me," his grandfather said, looking between Hikaru and Akari curiously.</p><p>"But he disappeared right in front of my eyes. One second he was there, and the next he wasn't!" Akari insisted. "Tell him Hikaru, tell him you disappeared."</p><p>Guu leaned over and whispered into Hikaru's ear. "Tell your grandfather she's crazy and needs to be institutionalized right away."</p><p>"Akari's not crazy and does not need to be institutionalized!" Hikaru shouted.</p><p>Hikaru's grandfather held his hands up defensively. "I didn't think she needed institutionalization. I'm sure she just thought she saw something. Isn't that right Akari?"</p><p>The mention of institutionalization made Akari uneasy. "Um, maybe you're right. Maybe I did imagine I saw something that wasn't something there."</p><p>Guu opened her fan and hid most of her face behind it. She tilted it downward just enough to allow Hikaru to see a small portion of her smile; the one that was triggering the acid in his stomach to start roiling about. "You seem pretty defensive about the girl. I think you're in love with her."</p><p>"I am not in love with Akari!" Hikaru shouted.</p><p>Akari blushed, then looked dejectedly at the floor.</p><p>Hikaru's grandfather shifted uncomfortably. "Ah, maybe I should leave."</p><p>Guu began spinning around, outfit flaring about, chanting in a dull monotone, "Hikaru loves Akari. Hikaru loves Akari. Yay."</p><p>"I do not!" he shouted again.</p><p>Tears began to fill Akari's eyes. "I heard you the first time."</p><p>Guu stopped behind Akari and peered at Hikaru from over the girl's shoulder. "Oh? Then this shouldn't affect you." She folded her fan, let it drop right to the hem of Akari' skirt, then flipped it up.</p><p>Akari gave a loud, "Eek!" when she realized what had happened.</p><p>Hikaru stared dumbly at the sight, even after the skirt fell back to its proper place.</p><p>Hikaru's grandfather also blushed. He coughed uneasily, then placed a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder. "Now, now, Akari. Boys are impulsive and frequently say things they don't mean all the time. There's no need to get desperate and flash him your goods. Give him a couple of years to come around."</p><p>"But... but I didn't!" Akari stammered out, keeping a firm hold on her skirt as she was led out down the stairs and out of the attic.</p><p>Once the pair were out of earshot, Hikaru snapped at Guu, "I can't believe you're ruining my life like this."</p><p>"You must not have much of a life if it's this easy to ruin."</p><p>Hikaru felt like crying.</p><p>Guu said, "Perhaps it would be best if we were to seek out a place to play Go to keep me from causing further damage."</p><p>Hikaru sensed he had been set up. He had an even more troubling feeling this would not be the last time. "I think I saw some Go salon not far from here. Let's go there and play." And maybe he could think of some way of getting rid of the unwanted spirit.</p><p>Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</p><p>The time it took to walk to the nearest Go salon felt like an eternity to Hikaru. He entered the establishment and was pleased to see a large number of tables and games in progress. It would be simple enough to find someone and let Guu play with them. Maybe she would be satisfied after a game or two and return to whatever level of Hell she came from.</p><p>Hikaru walked up to the counter. "Is there someone I can play Go with?"</p><p>She gave him a warm smile. "Is this your first time here?"</p><p>"Yep."</p><p>"I think you'll enjoy it. That'll be five hundred yen."</p><p>"I have to pay?" The situation was only becoming worse.</p><p>"I'll pay you back later," Guu reassured him.</p><p>Hikaru almost spoke aloud, then realized he'd just appear insane to everyone else. Perhaps he was. No. Guu had to be real. His imagination wasn't creative enough to come up with a creature like her.</p><p>Rather than verbalizing, he directed his thoughts to his newfound companion. *How can you pay me back? You're a spirit.*</p><p>"If you let minor details like that bother you, you'll never have a happy life," Guu assured him.</p><p>Hikaru gave up and fished the appropriate sum from his pocket and paid the woman. He then began looking around.</p><p>"Over there." Guu pointed with her fan in the direction of a smaller room that was darker than the others. A young boy, the same age as Hikaru, sat alone examining a formation of stones on the board.</p><p>Hikaru was surprised. He didn't know kids his age played Go. He knew nothing about the game, other than it was played on a board with black and white stones. And his grandfather had been good at it at one time.</p><p>*What about him?* Hikaru thought.</p><p>"He's young and stupid-looking. He should be easy to defeat."</p><p>Hikaru gave her a dubious look. *Don't you want to play against someone good so you can feel challenged?*</p><p>Guu snorted in disgust. "Don't be stupid. It's always better to attack the weak and defenseless. It's easier to crush and humiliate them. Now go." She swatted Hikaru in the back of his head with her fan to prod him in the direction of the youth.</p><p>Hikaru did so. He approached the youth, bowing low. "Ah, excuse me. Would you mind playing a game of Go with me?"</p><p>The young man seemed to consider it for a moment. "How good are you?"</p><p>"Tell him you suck and make a ten thousand yen bet you'll win on the basis he has bad hair," Guu said.</p><p>"I-" Hikaru shut his mouth before the kid thought he was crazy. It was getting very strenuous having to answer someone using his head when he was being speaking to verbally. *I will not. Now how good are you?*</p><p>"The best in the world. I've never lost to the same person twice."</p><p>Hikaru frowned at the spirit. *It's because you ate them, isn't it?*</p><p>"Go players usually taste terrible," Guu confirmed.</p><p>Hikaru let out a tired sigh and turned to the young man. "I've never lost twice to the same person." Which was technically true. Having never played the game, he hadn't lost to anybody.</p><p>The young man looked at him curiously. "I see. That sounds fairly impressive. We'll play a game. My name is Akira Touya." He bowed.</p><p>"Hikaru Shindou." Hikaru repeated the gesture, then seated himself opposite his opponent.</p><p>"Do you want to start with a handicap?" Akira asked.</p><p>Guu scowled at him. "I'll break your legs first, you little punk with stupid-looking hair."</p><p>*He's offering to give me an advantage.* Hikaru explained.</p><p>Guu relaxed. "Oh, so he's a fool as well as having bad hair. Ask him how much he wants to give."</p><p>"How much?"</p><p>"I'll let you be black and place three stones."</p><p>Guu gave her shifty smile. "This shall be easy."</p><p>Hikaru took the container with the black stones and pulled one out.</p><p>*Where should I put the stone?*</p><p>"12-14," Guu said.</p><p>*Where's that?*</p><p>Guu gave off an annoyed sigh and indicated the point on the board with her fan. They continued that way until they had placed three stones. Then the game began in earnest.</p><p>Hikaru noticed that after forty moves, Guu opened her fan and hid her lower face behind it. He could see a look of intensity in those tiny dots of coal that served as her eyes. *What is it?*</p><p>"This boy... is not completely bad."</p><p>Ten moves later, the look intensified. "He has some level of skill. It's time to take the offensive."</p><p>Hikaru stared at the board. He was getting the knack of understanding where the numbers were in relation to their location on the board. *All right. Where should I put my next stone?* He had to wait for Akira to move first.</p><p>"It's not where you put yours. It's where his ends up." Guu folded up her fan, then leaned forward fan leading the way. She placed it on top of one of Akira's stones.</p><p>Akira leaned forward, his arm blocking his line of vision to the stone Guu was touching. She pushed the white stone one line to the left a moment before Akira sat back down.</p><p>Guu indicated the area the white stone had previously occupied. "Now, place a stone here."</p><p>*That's cheating!* Hikaru protested.</p><p>"Only if you get caught. Up until that point, it's using your skills to the best of your abilities. Now, place the stone there."</p><p>Reluctantly, Hikaru did so.</p><p>Akira's eyes bulged. He looked again at the board, then looked it over again. He closed his eyes, mentally replaying the game in his mind. After a full minute, he sighed and began playing the game again.</p><p>Hikaru felt ashamed of Guu's actions. He figured she must really suck at Go if she couldn't beat some kid his age without resorting to cheating.</p><p>The game progressed another thirty moves, Guu becoming concerned again. Akira was just about to place a white stone amongst a gathering of when she brought her fan down sharply on his outstretched hand.</p><p>"Ow!" Akira dropped the stone and pulled his hand back. He looked it over for injury.</p><p>*What did you do that for?!" Hikaru said.</p><p>"He placed a stone on the board and his hand left it. That means he can't move it. Now the game will be ours."</p><p>*He dropped it.*</p><p>"That doesn't matter. His hand left the stone, and by some stroke of luck, it is in a vulnerable spot. The game will be ours momentarily."</p><p>Hikaru sighed. He had done more of that in one day than he had in the entire week. He had a horrible feeling he would grow used to it all too soon.</p><p>Guu's prediction proved accurate as twenty moves later, Akira resigned in defeat.</p><p>He bowed before Hikaru. "You do have a high degree of skill. I would like to play you again without the handicap. Although I should warn you, I won't be off my game like I was today. I still can't believe I misplaced that stone." He muttered under his breath.</p><p>Guu sneered. "Tell him to stop making pathetic excuses and that I don't play losers twice."</p><p>*You had to cheat multiple times to win,* Hikaru reminded her.</p><p>"Stop making excuses for him. If he had been paying attention, it wouldn't have happened. Do you blame the sheep when it comes time to be sheared?"</p><p>*No.*</p><p>"Well I do," Guu said.</p><p>Hikaru released the fiftieth tired sigh of the evening. "I'd be honored to play you again." The two exchanged further courtesies and departed.</p><p>*Can we go home now?* Hikaru asked his constant companion.</p><p>"Sure. It felt good getting a win under my belt for the first time in so many centuries."</p><p>The pair exited the Go salon, Hikaru walking slowly in the direction of his home. His life had certainly changed, and not for the better.</p><p>Now that the two were alone, he decided to speak aloud. "How long are you going to hang around me?"</p><p>"As long as it takes for me to master 'The Divine Move'."</p><p>"How long will that take?"</p><p>Guu considered that. "At the rate my skills are increasing, I'd say the better portion of your lifetime."</p><p>"What?!"</p><p>"It might not be that long," Guu told him</p><p>Hikaru breathed a sigh of relief.</p><p>Guu said, "Usually a person reaches a certain level, then plateaus, so it could take a good while longer."</p><p>Hikaru felt like crying.</p><p>Resigning himself to being stuck with the bizarre spirit for a significant period of time, he asked, "Why exactly are you here?"</p><p>"Because no matter where I go, there I am."</p><p>"I mean why are you a spirit that wants to play Go so badly?"</p><p>Guu's face shifted back to that of her cute, wide-eyed innocent self. Again sparkles emanated from her body, and her voice took on a high pitched, lilting quality that warmed Hikaru's heart.</p><p>Guu's eyes teared up slightly. "The reason is a terrible tragedy. It's a dark cloud of misery that affects me as if it was yesterday rather than centuries ago." She sniffled.</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>Her face shifted back to its usual countenance. "I had nothing better to do."</p><p>"That's not a tragedy!"</p><p>"It is to me."</p><p>"That's it!" Hikaru shouted. "You're driving me crazy. I refuse to play any more Go with you!"</p><p>For the first time since Hikaru had met her, Guu's dark eyes seemed to contain a hint of sadness, and her monotone voice a tint of sorrow. "My only passion is to play Go. My entire pseudo-existence is based solely upon that. You are the only one who can allow me to play, yet you would refuse my one request. If that is the way you truly feel, then there is no reason to continue on." She pulled a dagger from the her billowing sleeves and held it above her heart.</p><p>Hikaru's eyes widened in shock. Then he considered the personality involved. "You're bluffing."</p><p>Guu said, "There is no bluffing in Go." And plunged the dagger up to the hilt in her chest. She fell backward, landing hard on the concrete while her dark eyes stared blankly skyward toward the distant moon.</p><p>"Nooo!" Hikaru shouted out at seeing the motionless form lying on the sidewalk. He fell to his knees, crying. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't meant to drive you to this. If I had known it meant so much to you, I'd have let you play Go as much as you wanted."</p><p>"Deal." Guu sat up.</p><p>"Ahhh!" Hikaru drew back in fright at the sight of the girl with the dagger protruding from her chest. "How?" he babbled.</p><p>Guu looked down at the hilt. "I'm already dead. Stabbing doesn't really do much for me anymore. Watch." She pulled the dagger out, then plunged it repeatedly into different parts of her body. She then held it out to Hikaru. "Want to try it?"</p><p>Hikaru felt like crying again.</p><p>He was considering taking Guu up on her offer when he spotted Akari running up the sidewalk toward him. She appeared worried, and maybe a touch frightened. Concern about her moved his own fears to the back of his mind.</p><p>Akari pulled to a stop next to him. Trying to catch her breath, she gasped out, "I finally... found you."</p><p>Guu said, "Look, she's stalking you. Obviously she's obsessed with you. We'd better have her arrested before she snaps and does something terrible to you."</p><p>*She is not stalking me!* Hikaru turned to Akari. "What did you need?"</p><p>She stared ashamedly at the ground. "I'm sorry for my improper behavior earlier."</p><p>The only improper behavior he could think of was pretty much everything Guu had done to him so far. "What improper behavior?"</p><p>A deep blush reddened her cheeks. "Flashing my panties at you earlier."</p><p>"You didn't do that," Hikaru assured her.</p><p>"Of course I did, even if I didn't do it consciously," she insisted.</p><p>"You didn't do it."</p><p>"My skirt couldn't have done it on its own."</p><p>Guu nodded sagely. "She speaks words of wisdom."</p><p>"You're the one that did it!" Hikaru snapped.</p><p>"That's what I just said." Tears began to fill Akari's eyes and she looked like she wanted to run away.</p><p>Hikaru was uncertain of what to do next. He wanted to comfort her, but didn't know how. He'd never been in a situation like this before. He felt like running away and crying himself.</p><p>Guu opened her fan, eyes barely peeking above the edge. "Tell her you've always thought of her as your dearest friend and nothing she does can ever lessen that. There's no need to rush into anything. You're still young and if the nature of your relationship changes over time, you can deal with it as it happens."</p><p>*I will not say-* Hikaru stopped his mental diatribe. Actually, what Guu suggested made sense. It was disconcerting. Very disconcerting. Taking a chance it wasn't some kind of twisted scheme to make him look bad, or Akari miserable, he paraphrased, "You've always been my best friend and nothing you do can ever lessen that. There's no need to rush into anything. We're still young and if the nature of our relationship changes over time, we'll, you know, deal with it as it happens."</p><p>"And if you play your cards right, in a couple of years, you'll get some red-hot monkey loving," Guu added.</p><p>Hikaru repeated, "And if you play your cards right, you'll get-" the rest of the sentence finally sank into his mind. "We'll see what happens."</p><p>"You're no fun," Guu said, disappointed.</p><p>Akari stopped looking at the sidewalk and stared at Hikaru in an entirely new light. Her tears disappeared, and while her blush remained, it was joined by a smile, one directed at Hikaru. It made him uneasy, but not in the way Guu's did. It was like something was bothering his chest. Maybe Guu's antics had pushed him too far and was giving him a heart attack.</p><p>"Thank you, Hikaru," Akari said softly, then ran off just as quickly as she arrived, leaving Hikaru more confused than ever.</p><p>"What was that about?" he mumbled.</p><p>"I'll tell you when you're older," Guu assured him. "Now come along, we need to pick up a Go board and some stones so we can start playing at your house."</p><p>Hikaru drew back in apprehension. "What do you mean play at my house? I thought we'd only have to play at Go salons and stuff!"</p><p>Guu's face was hidden behind the fan once again. "No way. We have to improve your game so you can help prod me into mastering 'The Divine Move'. Until that day arrives, you will eat, drink, and sleep Go. And I mean that literally since you're going to start eating one Go stone per day. My theory is it will seep into your bloodstream and improve your game."</p><p>"I can't eat Go stones!" Hikaru protested.</p><p>"I'll teach you. Take it from me. I can eat anything. Watch." She devoured a mail box standing on the sidewalk.</p><p>Hikaru couldn't argue with that one.</p><p>Guu placed a hand affectionately on his shoulder. It was the only thing affectionate about her. "This is going to be the start of a beautiful relationship."</p><p>Hikaru's shoulders sagged in defeat. One thing was definitely for certain; his life was about to get a whole lot more interesting.</p><p>Xxxxxxxxxxxx</p><p>[End bad fusion]</p><p>See? Now let this be a lesson to you people. Just because two series initials are almost identical is no reason to combine them. It just doesn't work.</p><p>Thanks for reading.</p><p>DB Sommer</p>
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